In my first post on prayer, 4 SURPRISING BENEFITS OF PRAYING WITH YOUR SPOUSE, I explained why it’s so important for husbands and wives to pray together. But let’s face it—praying together can be hard. So we also looked at the obstacles many of us face when we try to pray together as a couple in 7 STRATEGIES TO BREAK THROUGH OBSTACLES TO PRAYING WITH YOUR SPOUSE.
1. Set a regular time—even if it’s only five minutes a day.
This can be a set time, like 7:00 p.m., or connected to something you do–like after breakfast, over the phone on lunch break, or even during your daily walk. For us it’s when my husband is ready to head toward bed. (He’s an early bird, and I’m a night owl.)
2. Pray conversationally.
Pray like you would talk with each other. Use short sentences, letting your spouse add their two cents. Think of this as a 3-way conversation between the two of you and God. A good conversation has give-and-take. That means no monologues, no sermonizing, no King James English. Just the three of you in an intimate heart-to-heart.
3. Don’t be afraid of silence.
Silence provides the opportunity to listen to God. This is time the Holy Spirit can speak to you–maybe through a Scripture verse that comes to mind or an impression.
Feel free to share with your spouse if something comes to mind. But remember to “test the spirits.” If it’s something that you’re thinking of taking action on, make sure it’s in line with Scripture and your spouse has a witness in his or her spirit.
4. Consider the acronym ACTS.
Not sure where to start or what to pray about? Try using the acronym below.
A – Adoration (praise)
C – Confession — This is a good time to ask God—and each other for
forgiveness for hurting each other.
T – Thanksgiving – for forgiving your sins through His work on the Cross, for
His provision and for blessings in your life.
S – Supplication – humbly requesting His blessing, direction, and help for each
other and for your family.
5. Keep it short and sweet.
Some people confuse praying together with the long pastoral prayers they hear in church. Or personal prayer times where you pray over long lists of requests. This is not that.
This is a short time together where you focus on praising and thanking God and praying for each other and your family. My husband and I usually spend 5-10 minutes praying with each other daily.
The exception might be if you both have the gift of intercession and agree to engage in long prayer times together–or if you both feel called to an extended time of prayer.
6. Keep a written record of your prayer requests—and the answers when they come.
This is a suggestion, not a have-to. But it’s a wonderful way to build faith as a couple as you see how God has answered your prayers. It’s especially helpful during discouraging times to look back and see how God has been faithful in the past.
7. Make your prayer time a safe place.
Follow these ground rules as you pray:
- Adopt an attitude of humility. (Philippians 2:3)
- Avoid criticizing your spouse’s style of praying or the content of their prayers.
- Avoid using your prayers as a subtle way to manipulate or criticize your spouse. (“Help John to call me if he’s going to be working late.” “Help Mary to be more respectful of me.”) If you have issues, talk about them openly. Don’t sneak them into your prayers.
- Avoid sermonizing. This is time to talk to God, not preach a sermon to your spouse.
- Openly thank God for your spouse.
- When your spouse raises a prayer request, show your support by simply praying for them. This is not the time to judge them or give advice!
