10 WAYS TO BEAT THE HOLIDAY BLUES

It was Christmas, but the joy that should have filled the air was replaced with an oppressive pall of sadness. Every year at our greater family get-together, the adult children secretly wondered if we would still have Mom and Dad next Christmas. They were getting up there in age and were more feeble each year.

No one in their wildest imagination thought my sister-in-law would be the first to go. She seemed fine at my daughter’s wedding in July. In late November she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer.  A week later she was gone.

We were in shock. Our hearts were broken. She was too young to die! The cheery music, the bright holiday decorations, the happy greetings surrounding us only served to accentuate the pain.

There’s a lot of pressure to put on a happy face during the holidays. After all, it’s “the most wonderful time of the year!” But for many, the Christmas season can give rise to a significant struggle.

Most of us feel the stress of so many things to do in so little time. But some are mourning the loss of loved ones in the present or past. Others have lost a job and can’t afford to buy gifts for their kids. Still others dread the emotional pain inflicted at family get-togethers. Some battle painful Christmas memories. Or they’re facing the prospect of spending Christmas alone.

Whatever the cause, stress and depression at Christmas are common.

So how do we deal with the holiday blues?

Here some ways to help you cope.

1. Lower your expectations.

Drop the illusion of an ideal Christmas. It only exists in movies. Yes, there may be fun moments, but our emotions aren’t going to change just because the holidays are here. If life is stressful, if you’re struggling with sad memories, loneliness, or negative emotions, acknowledge it. And acknowledge that it’s okay to feel that way during the holiday season. At the same time, take steps to turn your thoughts and emotions toward the positive.

2. Plan ahead.

Sit down and figure out what needs to be done, and then schedule it on your calendar. This can save you from a lot of stress. If there’s a particular day that you know you’ll be struggling, like the date a loved one passed away or the prospect of spending Christmas day alone or the after-Christmas let-down, plan something special for that day to boost your spirits.

3. Simplify.

Every year when I was growing up my mom put on a big holiday open house. To prepare, she made dozens of cookies of many varieties and beautifully decorated every corner of our house. For some reason, I felt I had to replicate that. For many years I slaved away in the kitchen and labored over decorations wondering how I was going to get it all done.

Then one year two things occurred to me: 1) I didn’t have an open house to prep for like Mom did and 2) I was a busy pastor’s wife and educator who didn’t have nearly the time my stay-at-home mom did. So that year I just made one variety—our favorite—sugar cookies. Nobody seemed to notice the missing varieties. This year I’ll get the sugar cookies baked. If I happen to have time to do more, fine.  We also have extra decorations sitting in boxes that may or may not make their way into our living this year. I’m not going to sweat it. I’m learning to simplify.

When you reach the point where you’re so overwhelmed with your holiday “to do” list that you start thinking, “This isn’t worth it! It’s not fun anymore,” it’s time to SIMPLIFY.

Sit down (by yourself or with your family) and make a list of what is most important for you at Christmas. For us it’s celebrating the birth of Jesus and spending time with family. Anything else is fair game to be crossed off the “to do” list. Don’t be dragged down by family traditions. Look at each one and decide which are the most meaningful and which you can do without. If one of your kids insists on keeping a particular tradition (like baking a certain kind of cookie), assign them the task of carrying it out.

4. Get together with people close to you.

Every year the mothers and daughters in my family have a  tradition of getting together at a tea room during the Christmas season. I can’t tell you how much I look forward to this!  We also get together to bake Christmas cookies.

Whether or not any of that happens, though, is up in the air. At any time sickness, or a snowstorm may disrupt our plans. But we can always meet on Zoom or FaceTime each other.

Last year sickness prevented us from getting together for our annual tea and Christmas baking day, but we still managed to bake Christmas cookies “together” over Zoom. What’s important is that we interact with those we love.

5. Reach out to help others

Reaching out to help others is a great way to take your mind off your own troubles. Volunteer to help with your church’s food drive or to serve at a soup kitchen. Raise money on the Internet for your favorite charity. Buy gifts for children whose parents are experiencing economic hardship. (My granddaughters and I shopped for children’s toys and clothes and filled a shoe box for Samaritan’s Purse Operation Christmas Child*). Call people who are struggling with loneliness or need an encouraging word. Bake cookies for your friends and neighbors. Perform “random acts of kindness,” like paying for the coffee of the people behind you in the drive-though.

6. Set boundaries.

Say “no” to others’ expectations that will overfill your schedule and cause undue stress.

Limit or eliminate the time you spend—in person or virtually—with toxic family members or friends. We can still love, forgive, and pray for them and send them affectionate cards. But sometimes we just need to maintain a safe distance for our own emotional health and the health of our family.

7. Reframe your thinking.

Focus on what’s going right. One blessing that came out of the uncertain days of the COVID epidemic was that people learned to slow down and “stop to smell the flowers.” Take joy in the little things around you—Christmas lights, delighted children, acts of kindness. Cultivate a thankful attitude for God’s blessings in your life. If you’ve lost a loved one, thank God for the time you did  have with them.

When my husband’s mom died unexpectedly when we were a young couple, we decided to focus on the good memories we had with her, instead of dwelling on the unfairness of her early home-going.

If you suffer from painful memories, see this as a time to wipe the slate clean. It’s time to redeem your Christmas and make it what you’ve always wanted it to be. Unload traditions that are burdensome or that trigger painful memories. Try something new.

8. Take care of yourself.

Keep up with your exercise program. (Or at least take some walks.) Limit your intake of goodies. All that sugar can contribute to feeling low. I don’t deny myself sweets, but I try to limit them to certain days—like Christmas Eve, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve. Or limit the amount of sweets you eat each day.

Set aside time for daily devotions. Focus on the gift of God’s Son and why we celebrate Christmas.

Carve out time for a Christmas movie or a short break to read. Even if it’s ten minutes! Find time to laugh and sing! Drive around and look at Christmas lights. (Our local zoo offers a drive-through display of beautiful seasonal lights.) Watch a Christmas special on TV or an old one on YouTube. Decorate for Christmas even if its only you that will be there to celebrate.

If you’re experiencing deep depression, seek professional help. A pastor or licensed counselor can lend a listening ear and refer you to resources that might be of help. Many therapists offer online counseling at this time.

9. Do something to remember your lost loved one.

Friends of ours who lost their young adult son invited their close friends to attend a local orchestra’s Christmas concert that he had enjoyed every year. We met beforehand over drinks and appetizers and shared our memories of their son. Then we attended the concert, which moved us deeply as we remembered his delight in music.

Buy a special ornament to remember your loved one. Or purchase a live Christmas tree and plant it after the holidays in your loved one’s memory. One family I know makes Chex mix every year in memory of their mother/grandmother, who made it every Christmas as a treat for her family.

Christians especially need to hear that it’s okay to mourn the loss of a loved one. The book of Ecclesiastes states, “there is a time to mourn.” (vs. 3:4)  Take the time you need. But eventually you need to move on, though you will always keep them in your heart. After all, the person you lost would want you to enjoy Christmas even as you remember them.

10. Ask Jesus to walk you through this time.

The babe in the manger is cute, but when you’re struggling during the holidays, you need the Risen Jesus. In these uncertain times we need the Lord more than ever. Lean into Him, and ask Him to walk with you through these days. A prayer I often pray echoes the old hymn, “I Need Thee Every Hour.” Sometimes I have to pray, “Lord, I need you every minute. I need you every second!”

Remember, “this too will pass.” The new year will come, your schedule will return to normal, and you’ll be back on track again. But until then He’ll be there to navigate you through it all. He has a purpose for your life—and even in the midst of hard times, He has promised never to leave or forsake you.

*Here is the link for Samaritan’s Purse Operation Christmas Child (this is NOT an affiliated link): https://www.samaritanspurse.org/what-we-do/operation-christmas-child/