Over the years I’ve hosted many overnight guests and been the guest in many homes. All in all, I’ve had wonderful experiences as a visitor–and I’d like to think I’ve offered my guests an oasis of refreshment and peace.
But there have been times when my efforts to make guests comfortable have turned into epic failures–and occasions when I’ve been miserable in other people’s homes.
So how do we become great hosts? One way is by learning from our mistakes and the mistakes of others. I admit to committing some of these myself. Others I’ve experienced as a guest in people’s homes. No condemnation here. We’re all learning!
1. UNWELCOME VISITOR FAIL
Years ago my husband and I traveled out of town for a conference and stayed at the home of friends. Due to unexpected delays, it was late evening when we finally arrived at our friends’ house, weary from the long day. I was looking forward to a nice chat with our hosts, whom we hadn’t seen since grad school, followed by laying my exhausted body in bed.
Instead, we were greeted by the couple who, after a perfunctory hello, announced they were going to bed and pointed us to an unmade sleeper sofa. It was left to us to battle the uncooperative sofa mechanism and make our own bed. We had to ask them for towels. They pointed to a linen closet and turned in for the night.
It’s not like I was expecting a four-star hotel. Or that I wasn’t grateful for their willingness to host us. I’m sure they didn’t mean to come across as inhospitable. But I went to bed that night feeling like an unwanted afterthought.
Lesson Learned:
Make your guests feel welcome and honored by preparing a place for them. A freshly made bed, clean towels, and a warm welcome go a long way to share the love of Christ with your visitors.
2. STARVING GUESTS FAIL
I once stayed with hosts that forgot to serve lunch. It was after 3:00 p.m., my stomach was grumbling, and we still hadn’t eaten. I learned that the host frequently skipped lunch and hadn’t thought to offer it to us.
I confess I’ve had occasions where I was having so much fun I’ve forgotten my responsibility and failed to serve meals on time.
Lesson Learned:
Even if you’re not in the habit of eating three squares a day, feed your guests at regular mealtimes and make snacks available in between. This is especially true for visitors who suffer from conditions such as diabetes, where blood sugar needs to be maintained. But even healthy guests shouldn’t be made to endure hunger pangs from lack of nourishment. We all have different metabolisms, and some people need to eat more often than others.
If you’re like me and get distracted by all the fun you’re having with your visitors, plan quick-to-prepare meals, so when you realize it’s time to eat and you haven’t done a thing to prepare, your guests won’t have long to wait. You can also make meals ahead of time. Or there’s always the eating-out option. One of my favorites!
If you think you’re a hopeless case and just can’t remember to fix meals, set reminders on your cell phone.
3. BED OF NAILS FAIL
It may not be a bed of nails, but it might as well be. Uncomfortable bedding can result in a poor night’s sleep and guests awaking the next morning stiff and sore.
On a speaking engagement, my husband and I were once put up in an old cabin.When we slid under the covers of the double bed, the mattress formed a “V” and thrust us into each other, crushing our bodies together. There was no way we could sleep like that. I ended up spending the night on a lumpy couch. (We never told our kind hosts. We didn’t want to appear ungrateful.) In another place the mattress was like a board. I awoke each morning with a backache.
I confess to my own “bed of nails fail.” For years we offered a sleeper sofa that curved oddly upward at the head and provided lumpy support at best for people’s bodies. Fortunately, one of our visitors had the courage to tell us. Now we offer a comfortable guest bed with good quality inflatable mattresses for the overflow.
Lesson Learned:
If your bed is too hard (not everyone goes for sleeping on concrete), get a cushioned mattress cover. If it’s marshmallow-soft, put a board under the mattress, get a new one, or throw an inflatable one on the floor.
4. ARCTIC/DESERT FAIL
We used to stay at the home of family members who, to save money, didn’t use central heat in the winter. The only heat in the house came from a portable kerosene heater in the living room. We dreaded bedtime when the frigid air of the upstairs bedroom assaulted our bodies.
My husband and I still laugh about the time we secretly smuggled a space heater into the bedroom. (We were young and foolish.) To our horror, when we turned it on it blew a fuse! I still remember hearing our host downstairs saying, “I don’t know how this could have happened.” (We laugh about it now, but it took us years to get up the courage to fess up to what we’d done.)
Another time I stayed in a stiflingly hot bedroom one summer. The window had no screens so remained shut. No fan was offered. As someone who’s prone to heat exhaustion, I spent the night trying to survive the oppressive temperatures.
Lesson Learned:
Just because you’re used to frigid air or sauna-like heat doesn’t mean your guests are. Be sensitive to their temperature needs. Offer a fan, a portable heater, an open window—you get the idea.
5. NIGHT TERRORS FAIL
My husband and I were once put up in the basement of friends who lived in the country. It just so happened that the electric pump that carried water up from the well was close to our bed. This pump started up at unexpected intervals and startled me each time with its loud roar. I lay awake anticipating when it would go off next. It was torture. Our hosts were very gracious when they discovered what was going on and relocated us to another room.
I admit it–I’ve unwittingly caused “night terrors” for my own guests. We once had a couple sleeping on the (curvy) sofa bed in our living room, not far from the bathroom. The door creaked loudly–really loudly–every time someone used the bathroom during the night. We’d gotten so used to it we didn’t notice it. But our guests did. After the sixth incident of being startled awake in the middle of the night the husband was heard to say, “Aaagh! Someone stick a needle in my eye!” (He’d prefer that to the “night terrors” of the bathroom door.) Needless to say, we oiled the hinges the next day.
Lesson Learned:
Try putting yourself in your guests’ shoes as they sleep at night. Is there a ticking clock, a chime, a blinking light, too much light coming in the window? A loud TV or music in another room? What can you do to minimize these “night terrors?”
6. NOT-SO-GREAT EXPECTATIONS FAIL
Years ago when my husband and I were newlyweds, we stayed with someone who discovered we were about to rent a car. They insisted that we drive theirs instead.
After we arrived home we discovered, despite the fact that we had returned it freshly washed and with a full tank of gas, they’d resented the fact that we used their car. Furthermore, while they had encouraged us to take time to tour the sights on our own and visit other friends in the area, we later learned they had resented the time we spent away from them. We apologized profusely when we discovered their resentment. But we were baffled by their unspoken expectations which were opposite from their words.
Lesson Learned:
Honestly discuss expectations with your guests at the beginning of the visit so there’s no misunderstanding. What’s the purpose of their visit? To spend the time with you exclusively? To sight-see? Do they want to visit with other friends, too? What do you and they hope to accomplish during your time together?
Be clear about your expectations and boundaries. For example, if you’re uncomfortable with your guests using your car, don’t offer it just to be polite.
What about you? Have you committed or been on the receiving end of any epic hosting failures? What have you learned from your experience?
Leave a comment and share with us below.